March 14, 2010
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Visiting the hospital after the baby is born.
So I’ve been thinking about how I want to handle the whole visiting hours thing this time around. I have to admit, the first time, there were a LOT of people on my first and second day…and it was really overwhelming and I ended up breaking down and crying at the end of the day. I was in labor for sooo long 40+ hours, during which I couldn’t eat or drink anything. And I didn’t poop until 2 days after my c-section, so I didn’t eat for 4 days. I had Tyler in the morning and by afternoon, my parents and his brother came down and stayed the entire day until visiting hours were over. Then the IL’s came towards the end of visiting hours (technically visiting hours were over already, but they insisted on coming). So it was like 10 hours of non stop visitors right after delivery. And the IL’s brought a TON of food that they got from chinatown…and they were just sitting there, having dinner in my room, eating it in front of me…even after I told them I couldn’t eat.
I was in so much pain and i was starving and tired and there weren’t enough seats for everyone, so I had to sit at the edge of my bed so that other people could sit on the bed with me. And to have to sit up unsupported for that long right after the c-section was hell. I didn’t get to breastfeed Tyler nearly as much as I wanted because then I would have to ask everyone to clear out of the room. I had no idea what I was doing in terms of BF’ing at that point and I didn’t feel like making it a show in front of everyone. I don’t even think I really held him that first day. My nurse told me that the next time that happens, she would play the bad guy and tell everyone to leave. But there was no next time because they all already came.
Would it be insanely rude for us (specifically me) this time around to request scheduled visit times of no longer than so and so length of time? This also happened our first weekend home. That saturday, we had morning until evening visits non stop. Tyler didn’t really nap that well and he was a screaming mess by the end of the day and we didn’t really get to enjoy any of the visits since we were trying to calm down this over tired baby. I was thinking of setting up a list for weekend visits and not more than 1 or 2 people per weekend. If Tyler is still as stranger anxious as he is now, the situation will be even worse this time since he’ll want only me or PB.
Comments (14)
I so know what you mean. Everyone insisted on holding the baby while I slept, like I could do that when they’re in the room, and don’t they know that a newborn baby needs to be fed quite often, and it’s not the most fun thing to do in front of your family in a hospital gown. Sorry you had to go through that the first time around. I would definitely say thanks for offering to do this and that, but the first days are crucial for bonding and mom to start recovering. And as for Tyler, whatever you want him to do when you’re in the hospital, get him into the routine now. We made the mistake of starting it too late, so M was wanting me to be at home when she went to bed, but I couldn’t be there. It was tough.
not rude at all! i’m sorry that first time was such a production. everyone, well almost everyone, knows that they need to work around the new mama/new baby’s schedule. and if they come visit, they better bring food or do something helpful. i know a lot of people use the ‘don’t want to expose baby to germ/too many people excuse’. that probably doesn’t apply to grandparents, but can for other people.
oh, and i cannot believe people expected you to give up your bed to seats after everything you just went through. that’s ridiculous.
NOT RUDE AT ALL!!
It’s your body. If your body tells you you need rest, every one else need to respect that. They can see the baby a couple of days or week later too. It won’t go away.. And they can see the baby for a few minutes. They can come and spoil it and feed you loads of food a few days later too.
You need to do you after you’ve given birth.
I think you should def set up times etc for visits. after labor you need the bed to yourself, and you need plenty of rest and time to recoup. i think visitors should be limited and set times. if you’re not up for it, then rest. by all means, you need it. and you should NOT give up your bed after labor! i think everyone is understanding of what the mama has gone through and should accomodate YOU and not the other way around.
Holy I’m so sorry your first experience was so horrible… I can’t believe your visitors were so inconsiderate of your condition. It is totally not rude for you to get some time to yourself and your new baby! If they ask to visit, just tell them after you get settled in at home.
@injeannieous -
The visitors were basically our parents hahaha. They were upset already that I wouldn’t let them in the delivery room (eeew). I think I’ll just have to set time limits this time.
Wow, you had it rough. We set limits, like my parents/sibs and his parents (his sibs didn’t care) and it worked out ok..I believe you have to do whats best for you and your immediate family, Once the unlimited visitation starts they’ll forgive you. They all kept bringing food, so I didn’t have to cook for about 10 days..talk about heaven!! Good luck, you deserve it.
I don’t think it’s rude…people would understand that you need more rests first. When i was in labor, i only had my husband in the labor room, even when my bestfriend requested a few times to be in the room with me. I knew i wanted to bf right after baby was born, so i just wanted the privacy too, and i didn’t deal with or talk to anyone else while i was in pain! even After the baby was delivered, i limited visitors, and only allowed closest friends and family. We also made it specific time (after baby was bf or i have taken a nap). So you should do what is best for you. You don’t want to be exhausted cuz of the guests!!!
Hello Ms. J,
I am sending an important message to people from Jehovah God that is in the Bible: 21Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know my hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is Jehovah. (Jeremiah 16:19-21) (Darby)
Eeks…I knew you were struggling with the parentals being invasive…I had no idea it was this bad. Sorry that you had to go through that. I wouldn’t let my mom in the delivery room either (and she wanted to be there)! I guess I shouldn’t come visit the day after, huh? (j/k)
I think it’s just normal to asian parents and asians overall to want to see someone after they’ve given birth. I know that I visited the majority of my sisters or sister n laws who gave birth, when I was still living in the same town. It’s just a courtesy call so people don’t get offended that “not once did you ever visit them in the hospital”. But overall, I just don’t stay long.
When friends give birth, i don’t visit them at the hospital because i believe that’s time reserved for the family. Two years ago, a friend gave birth and sent an email that she wasn’t allowing visitation rights to friends until after the baby was one month due to it being so young. It wasn’t a big deal to me so whenever they were ready, we visited.
For the delivery room, not sure if i want any other family members seeing my vajayjay other than the husband.
is this a hint? ha ha. i’ll come whenever you want me to… you know i’m flexible… but the fourth of july bbq food you requested might be gone (in my tummy) if you wait too long!!!!
Oh no! I just googled this topic and am so happy you were the first hit because I can identify. With each of my two sons, the room was a non-stop parade of family and friends, seriously putting in 10 hour shifts! I am having our third and plan on asking the nurses to act like bouncers. It is too much, and especially after a C-section, you just don’t have the strength to be the heavy. Best of luck for peace!