So I've decided to get a repeat C-section.  I've been feeling some pain around my incision which makes me nervous.  I hear that it's normal and it's just the scar tissue pulling, but then I also have this weird deep bruise feeling higher up around my belly button.  I'm going to ask the ob/gyn on monday, but it just freaks me out.  And after speaking to mom's of multiple kids, they honestly told me that I would probably end up with a c-section anyway since even an average sized kid probably wouldn't fit.  Even the mom of 3 kids who went vaginal for all 3,  with no pain meds, told me to get the repeat c-section.

Now the thing is that a repeat c-section is scheduled for a week before the delivery date.  Ideally, it would be best if it were on a Sunday because then my parents can come down on Saturday to watch Tyler while we go to the hospital on Sunday and they wouldn't have to take a day off.  But the Sunday before is July 4th...and as cool as it is to have a birthday on the country's birthday, PB and I very well know who gets to staff these wonderful holidays at a hospital.  It is the newest, bottom of the totem pole nurses and residents.  I know there's always an attending on, but still...everyone else is new.  I'll inquire about that too on Monday.  I am such an annoying patient hahaha.

I'm applying for that position.  They told me they wanted to know by tomorrow if I was interested.  I'm up late since I haven't touched my resume since school.  I wasn't sure how formal I was supposed to be since I already work there, but I guess better safe than sorry.  I had to google how to write a cover letter since I don't think I even wrote one for my current job (thank you online applications).

I guess the good thing about this is that either way this turns out, I'm good with the outcome.  That being said, I do NOT  think I'm going to get it due to various reasons, but at least I applied.  If I do get it, I'll have a more interesting job, more ideal work conditions and more weekends free with the family (but I'll be full time).  If I don't get it, I'll be where I am now...working part time with every monday and friday off.  I can still go to playgroup and have days alone with BB.  With either outcome there are pro's and con's.  And like someone previously commented, I am thankful that in this economy I have the option of being able to choose.

....almost reached a decision.

thinking....thinking....thinking....

With baby #2, I am given the option of trying to go for a VBAC (vaginal birth after ceasarian) or have an elective repeat c-section.  At first glance, it seems like VBAC would be the way to go...but there are a few risks involved.  There is a chance of uterine ruption with a VBAC....but the chances are low, like 3% (recent studies are showing that the percentage may be even lower) with a horizontal incision c-section.  However, it's still a risk that I have to think about.  The consequences for both mom and the baby are pretty bad because it does take a while to prep for a c-section, even if it's an emergency.  It's not a cut you open right when it happens kind of deal.  I think it took at least a half hour (maybe even an hour) to prep me for mine and I already had the epidural in.  The other thing is that if I do opt for a VBAC, I have to go in as soon as I have contractions so that they can monitor the integrity of the uterus....and absolutely no pitocin (increases the chances of rupture).  I didn't really get too much pitocin last time since Tyler didn't respond well, but that resulted in my 41 hour labor.

So right now, I'm leaning towards a repeat c-section.  The reasons being:
1) My mom had originally chosen a VBAC with my younger sister and at the last minute changed her mind.  When they cut her open, her uterus was see through thin.  One contraction and it would have ruptured.  I know it's not a genetic thing, but the fact that it happened to someone so close to me makes me very nervous. 

2) Most ob/gyn's recommend a minimum range of 12-24 months between pregnancies (the birth of one and the beginning of the next) to let the uterus fully heal.  I am right around the 12 month mark. My ob/gyn said it was okay, but I know others would probably not even give me the option of a VBAC.  This is by no means a strict guideline and I know plenty of people who have had much less than 12 months between pregnancies with successful VBAC's.  But it is something to think about.

3)  My uterus didn't heal as quickly as it should have the first time around.  It should have gone back down to normal by my 6 week post partum appointment and it didn't.  I had to go in for a follow up ultrasound to see if there was anything wrong.  There wasn't, but it just healed slower than expected.

4)  Tyler had a 30%ile head circumference and didn't make it past station 0 with 40+ hours of labor and 2.5 hours of pushing.  For those of you who had babies, you'll remember that there's the negative numbered pelvic stations, then 0, then the positive numbered stations.  Once you're at +2 or +3, the baby's head is pretty much starting to clear the pelvis.  So at station 0, the baby's head is too high up to even try to use assisted delivery devices like the forceps or vacuum.   A c-section was the only way to get him out...again with a 30 %ile head circum.  So unless the next baby has a teeny tiny head, I'll probably end up in the same boat.

As much as I would love to attempt a VBAC, I feel like there are too many what if's weighing on my mind, and I'd just be worried about them all the time.  I know recovery will be much harder with the c-section, but, hey that's what percocet is for right?!

A position opened up at work.  One that I wanted since I started.  I've always told PB that when the current pharmacist retires, I want her job.  She just resigned to work somewhere else...and I'm not in a position to be able to take over.  I would need to go back to full time (like all the part-timers at work say...once you go part time, you never go back!)...and would need to not have a baby and leave for 3 months this summer.  Darn darn darn.  Her position would be perfect...I get to work alone on interesting things.  Oh well.

It's weird to have to think about newborn stuff again.  It wasn't that long ago, but it feels like forever since Tyler was a newborn.

I think the things we couldn't have done without were:
1) Boppy.  I didn't actually love it for breast feeding...it made me feel like a hunch back.  But it became pretty versatile later on to prop up Tyler and currently as my foot rest when I sit in the poang chair haha.

2) Our swing.  We had the Graco Sweet Peace and Tyler would nap for HOURS in it when he was younger.  We were sad when he stopped wanting to sit in it at 4 months.

3) Playtex bottles.  We started our with Dr. Brown's because of all the no gas blah blah talk.  But washing all those parts at night sucked big time.  Halfway through the first year, we switched to the Platex drop in bottles and life became so much easier.  We just threw everything in the dishwasher at night.  We got BJ's liners and it didn't come out to be that expensive.  It was definitely worth the extra expense.  I hated washing all those little parts...I felt like I was always missing one crook and nanny or another.

4) The pump.  Despite all the BF'ing problems I had in the beginning, I was pretty diligent about pumping regularly and although my supply wasn't tremendous, I was able to store up a good amount of milk for when I went back to work.  I had the lansinoh pump, which was okay at first and then died on me since I used it so much.  I rented an older hospital grade one from work and used the Medela Symphony at work, which were fantastic.  I can actually buy the Medela PISA from work (yay for Employee benefits) for $165, which is a steal, so I have to do that one of these days. 

5)  Our Bed Bath & Beyond Dream sound machine with projector.  This is called the "crack machine" on thebump.com and for good reason.  It has all the typical white noises and a few lullabies as well as a projector which projects a rotating scene of fishes, jungle animals and something else, I can't remember.  (they are 3 separate disks which you can switch out, but Tyler loves the fishes one so we haven't used the others).  We still use it.  I snuggle with Tyler on our chair while watching the fishes go round and round to wind down the day.  I tried storytime, but it got him too excited.

6) Baby Einstein DVD's.  I was totally anti-TV in the beginning...but I caved especially once Tyler became mobile. Despite the whole recall thing, we love these.  They're short enough for me to make a quick meal.  We've tried other things, sesame street, other cartoony things, but he loves these the best.

7) Swaddling blankets.  We didn't actuallly use them for swaddling.  Tyler hated being swaddled, so we stopped that at a few weeks.  These made for fantastic bump cloths.  The tiny burp clothes are a joke.  His spit up would land everywhere BUT on the burp clothes.  So I just ended up draping a swaddling blanket across my entire body.

8) Baby carriers.  Of course!  I still use them...we keep one in the car wherever we go. They're great for sick days when Tyler just wants to be held.

There are a few things that I'd like for #2.
1) My Brest Friend pillow.  I hear it's much more supportive for BF'ing
2) Bouncer.  We didn't have one for Tyler, but I may need one so I can put down baby #2 for a little bit if I'm doing something with Tyler.
3) Probably something bath related, but not sure what.  I'm trying to figure out if I can somehow give both kiddos a bath at the same time.

Poor BB spent most of his 14th month sick with back to back and coupled viruses.  Apparently it's all too common around here since the pedi was very nonchalant about it.  I was almost sure that he got the H1N1  because it seemed like it would never go away.  He had fever, bad runny nose and a really wet sounding cough that would result in gagging.  Didn't help that PB caught it and then gave it right back to BB after he started to get over the first round.  (guess who has it now....mama).  He didn't eat at all for the past week except for a few strawberries and he is finally starting to feel better.  He ate almost a full breakfast today and drank all his bottles yesterday.

We didn't go for this 15 month yet since he finally got his first H1N1 shot this past week during his sick visit and I didn't feel like going to the pedi 2 more times in a month (for the well visit and then for the second shot).  So i'll just wait until the 2nd shot is due to bring him in for his 15 month.  I used to be so prompt with his well visits until I talked to coworkers with multiple kids who admitted to forgetting to make appts for some of their kids because they thought they went already hahahahaha. 

At the sick visit, he weighed 21 pounds, 7 oz with his clothes and diapers on.  Which means he gained just a few oz since 12 months.  Sigh.  I'm trying to up the fat content in his meals since he only loves to eat diet worthy foods (fruit especially).  So I mix his pasta and veggies with a generous dallop of butter or olive oil.  I mix a little half and half into his milk to make up for the fact that he's only getting 1% milk instead of whole (we should probably try to titrate him up again to see if he'll tolerate it).  We give him all the whole grain cookies that he wants.  I know part of it is genetic since I think I was below any of the curves until I hit my teens.  Plus this kid will NOT stop moving....he is always panting because he is in contant "go" mode.  At least I think he's growing heightwise since his 6-12 month pants are highwaters on him now (but most of the 12-18 month pants are too big in the waist).

He is starting to get verbal communication.  He added a few more words, so now his list is:
-Tyler, diaper, car/train (anything with wheels, like the vacuum) --> he'll say "dai der"
-turtle --> he says pretty accurately
-cat, cow --> he'll howl trying to imitate the meow and moo sounds.  okay, not really words, but we understand it
-bubble --> he says pretty accurately, but generalizes it to anything round.  He also knows where he keep the bubbles and will walk to the closet, pound on the door and say bubble bubble until we take the bubbles out of the closet
-hi
-mama
-baba
-catepillar --> thanks to the Baby Einstein DVD's.  He mushes this into 2 syllables..."cat-mumble-er"
-he's repeated a few words after us, but hasn't said it on his own: pillow, shoe, diaper change, cracker

(One day, I gave him the package of Gerber yogurt drops. on the front is a pic of the drops, which are round.  BB pointed at them and goes, "bubble".  I guess they do look like bubbles.  Then he turns it over and across the top of the back of the packaging  is a series of little boxes all in a straight line.  He pointed at that and goes, "dai der".  I didn't get it at first, but then realized he thought it was a train!  And that is how the mind of a toddler works!)

He still signs the few basic things that we taught him.   We didn't really teach him anymore.  So it's basically: eat, drink, light, please, hat, more, all done, fish, bath, bye/hi.  Basically whatever was in his signing board books.  Actually now he'll turn to a page in the book, look at what the other baby is signing and copy it without us saying out loud what the word/sign is.  So if he see's a picture of a hat, he'll sign hat without us saying "hat" out loud.  Same with the more abstract signs like "more" and "all done".

He can sort of do the hand movements to isty bitsy spider.  He knows 3 of them: the spider part, the washed the spider out and the sun came out.  he'll do the 3 really fast so it totally doesn't match the song.  then he'll clap for himself before the song is over.

He can point to everything on his head if we ask him to as well as his hands, belly, feet/toes.  We actually never really taught him this stuff....just a few times in the bathtub if we remembered, but he picked it up.

He can stack up to 5 blocks.  This shocked me since he was never interested in it.  he'd stack 1 block and walk away and find something else to do.  one day when I wasn't paying attention to him, I look over and there are 5 blocks stacked.  He also doesn't knock down my block towers anymore.  He'll take the blocks off one by one without causing them to topple over.

He isn't running yet, but almost.  It's extremely fast walking.  He loves to chase me around the dining room table and sometimes I get a little winded trying to keep ahead of him.

He wears a hat now. YAY!!!!!!  He struggles at first, but will generally leave it on.  We're working on gloves now.

He still loves his little stuffed animals.  They all stink and look totally ragged no matter how much we wash them.  Now he pretend plays with them.  He'll feed them food (unfortunately, usually it's real food) and he'll kiss them on command and then hold them out for us to kiss them (nasty).

He knows how to use the remote control.  He knows that if he points it at the TV and pushes the button, something happens.  He also loves phones and will hold it to his ear and "talk" on the phone....and if we ask to talk on the phone as well, he'll hold it to our ears for us.

He loves to put random things in random places.  We always end up finding stuff everywhere they're not supposed to be (see pic with his shoes in the utensil drawer).  The peanut butter and corn starch containers and always somewhere in the living room, his clothes are always all over the 2nd floor, etc.

We're trying to teach him how to use a fork and spoon accurately.  he has the idea...he can spear his food and bring it to his mouth and he can scoop stuff and bring it to his mouth.  But usually he gets distracted in between the spearing step and the mouth step and then thinks of all the fun things he can do with his food on a fork/spoon (usually involves flinging food).  It's a messy messy dining room after meals.

He can drink from a real cup by himself.  The first swig is usually messy since he miscalculates how much to tip the cup.  After that he's fine.  Except that he only takes about 2 sips before he realizes he can do fun things with the cup....like shake it to see how much water comes out.  Then we have to take it away.

I think there's more.  I never remember them all until after I post!

Hat happy!

Almost!

Part of Christmas day fun

I will be a 2 under 2 mom come July of 2010.  We waited until Christmas to break the news to our families as our christmas surprise (I was just around 12 weeks then).  It was definitely hard trying to hide it at work (the co-workers facebook as well as our families, so we didn't want word to get to them that way) since I felt like I was showing at 6 weeks.  At 12 weeks, I look like I did when I was around 20 weeks with BB.  Doesn't help that I didn't completely lose the belly fat from the first time around.

Our plan was to have our kids 2-3 years apart.  When BB turned 1, we didn't really try for #2, but we didn't NOT try.  We figured we're so busy now and with our somewhat opposing work schedules, it would take at least 6 months.  Nope. Another 1st shot baby!  I was really shocked since my cycle was still all over the place after BF'ing and I had no idea when my last period was or when I was to expect it.  I had to leave the "date of last period" slot empty on the form at the ob/gyn puahahaha.  They measured the little bean at 7 weeks at my appt.  I had made the appt 2 weeks earlier and had a feeling a week or two before that.  So for some reason, when I was around 4 weeks,  I just had a random feeling that I was preggo.  I had really bad gas and bloating, but that was the only symptom.  We used one of my expired leftover tests from BB just for fun and we got that second line.  I was like nah...it's a fluke because it's expired.  But we got another one a few days later and sure enough, I was preggo.  As surprised as we were, we felt blessed that we never had to struggle to conceive.

Pregnancy #2 has admittedly been much harder on me than pregnancy #1.  I had so much rest the first time around.  When I was tired, I just slept in on my days off, 12-14 hours a night.  If I was tired after work, I just took a nap when I got home.  Easy peasy.  I felt very little nausea with #1...just random bouts when cutting raw meat and stuff like that, but I had a voracious appetite the entire time and easily gained 40 pounds or so.  So far, I am -2 pounds.  I haven't been vomitting, but I just feel crappy and I never feel like eating, especially in the evenings.  I am just starting to get out of that funk and I'm eating better now.  But I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should, especially while running after an active toddler. 

PB still works the same type of hours, so half the week, it's just me and BB the entire day until he goes down for bed.  Only after he's asleep do I have time to cook, eat and clean up.  By the time I'm done, it's always after midnight....and I'm up at 5:30 the next morning for work on the days I work (7 ish when I don't work).  When I'm really really beat, I'll make sure all the gates are locked and I'll just take a quick cat nap while BB plays by himself.  Sometimes I'll get awakened by a pair of toddler lips on my cheek as BB gives me one of his sloppy kisses.  So cute!

It's funny how laid back I am about pregnancy #2 compared with #1.  Half the time, I don't even know exactly how far along I am.  At this time with #1, I was obsessively reading millions of baby item reviews trying to figure out what exactly I needed to raise a baby.  Now it's like, eh...we already have it.

2 under 2 is going to be tough to handle.  But I think I can do it.  I always think to myself that everyone else in the world can do it...so can I.  Doing bath and bedtime for both by myself will probably be the most challenging.  But BB will be around 21 months by then and he is starting to be a much better communicator.  I am trying to really encourage him to play independently without tearing the house apart (so far, not working so well hahaha...it's a huge cleanup every night).  I save the most of our together time for activities that don't involve large electronic toys....so things like reading, singing, walks etc.  That way I can still do those things with BB while I'm doing things like feeding #2.