My first day back at work went okay.  Not as smooth as I would've liked, but I survived.  Last night was rough.  I'm almost positive BB is going through his 3 month growth spurt because he got up twice last night to feed...2 AM and 5 AM  (and that's after I went to bed at 11:30 after I pumped...so that's basicaly like 2 sessions of 1.5 hours of sleep).   For someone who had to be up at 5:30 AM, that was not good news.  My brain was fuzzy all day.  That, in addition to the craziness I feared at work and just being plain old rusty led to me making some mistakes.  Eeek.  Luckily I caught them all myself before they went out, but I can't keep working on that kind of sleep.

I thought maybe I could get away for 15 minutes in the morning to pump since I pumped last at 6 AM and don't get lunch until 1 AM  (OUCH...made worse by people hugging me hello when they saw me).  Yeah.  There was no time for that 15 minute pump session.  I didn't even finish my breakfast and barely drank anything all morning.  I'm kind of worried about what that will do to my supply.  I guess I'll keep plugging along and see what happens.

The great part is that the hospital has lactation rooms set up for patients' parents and employees.  There are a few of them throughout the hospitals, but it's rumored that the best rooms are the ones right near where I work.  They are NICE.  It's like a little lounge with an arm chair, a side table, a microwave to sterilize your stuff in (at first, I was like sweet...i can microwave my lunch in here too...but then I saw the "sterilization only" sign), a sink with dishwashing liquid and a huge bin of milk storage containers.  I brought my own bags to store my milk in, but I ended up with so much that I was afraid the bag would burst between my ice packs...I might just help myself to the containers next time. 

The best part is the pump...we have the Medela Symphony, which cost thousands of dollars...we just have to bring our own pump kit and we're all set.  At first, I thought what's the big deal, a pump is a pump...but wow...that is one nice pump.  It's so smooth too.  I pumped 9 oz...that NEVER happens.  That's almost enough for 2 bottles for BB during the day.  Now I kind of wish I would have just rented a hospital grade pump instead of buying a cheaper one (I would totally recommend this if you haven't already bought a pump...look into renting one from a hospital or medical supply store).  I think my Lansinoh is dying too...the suction isn't as good anymore and motor sounds like it's struggling.

At least BB seemed to have a better transition.  He slept basically the entire time the babysitter was here (she was only needed for a few hours today).  She was like...uh is that normal?  hahaha.  But yeah, he got his full afternoon nap.  I got home in time for his dinner feed and took a nap with him from 7 PM until 9 PM, when he woke up AGAIN to eat (he never eats past 7 PM). 

I have tomorrow off luckily as one of my weekdays off, so I can recuperate.  I think I'll be okay after today...it's just getting over the initial shock and remembering how to do stuff....and remembering what it feels like to not sit down for an entire day hahaha.  My clogs are still my lifesavers!

So this is it. The last day of my 12 weeks off.  It seems like such a long time...but it went by so incredibly fast.  I feel having 12 weeks off for maternity leave is a little bit cruel.  At 12 weeks, I feel like I'm just getting the hang of things...BB just started to mellow out a little bit...I'm starting to feel like a real mom, not a panicky one...and then I have to go back to work.  (That being said, I think BB is starting his 3 month growth spurt and now wakes up at 2 AM to eat....NOOOOO!  Not good for someone who has to wake up at 5 AM).

I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself .  I was a little worried going into this because I'm not that naturally motherly type...I didn't love kids before I had my own.  Sure, I thought they were cute...to look at and to hold for maybe 5 minutes, but I didn't want to run over and play with one the second I saw one. 

I think it took me a good month before I started developing more of a connection with the baby.  PB said he connected right away.  I didn't really.  I think a lot had to do with the company we had for the first month.  I spent so much energy trying to be "guai" and was so stressed all the time with their never ending comments and "advice" Advice like just let him cry, that's what I did with you...give him water, he needs to drink water...don't hold him, you'll spoil him...you're starving him, what will you do if he's stupid because you're not giving him enough to eat...etc.  That plus being sleep deprived and the whole BF'ing thing...I really felt like a robot.  I did talk and sing and try to interact with BB...but it felt forced and I felt like I did it because I knew I was supposed to. 

Literally the day after the last parent left, I felt so happy and started to develop more of a bond with BB.  I felt so free to do whatever I wanted with him whenever I wanted. That's when I started to really discover BB.  I figured out that he loved being on the changing table and I would talk to him all the time while changing his diaper.  I sang Christmas carols to him all through his fussy hours.  I made up games to play with him while he was awake. I figured out his tired/hungry cues and could differentiate his cries. And I did all of this because I wanted to...and it came so naturally.

Looking back, I think it was probably just a touch of PPD, although I didn't think it was at the time.  I wish I could have that month back with just BB and us...no parents (as much as we appreciated their cooking).  I wonder if I would have felt any differently.

It's been so exciting to be able to catch all of BB's milestones thus far.  He's currently working on his first laugh (it sort of still sounds like a screaming cough).  He's becoming such a big  boy so fast.  Like right now, he's calmly sitting on my lap as I type.  We have my playlist blasting and he's smiling to the sounds of Panic At The Disco as I bounce him up and down on my lap.  I can't wait to see what else is to come.

Is there an advantage in buying a condo vs. a small house?  There are some nice condo's for sale in the good area.  And even though they're cheaper than the small houses, the HOA fees are so high that it ends up costing more per month than a small house.  Are they easier to re-sell?

I think we might just try to do this.  The more people we talk to, the more it seems like now is a pretty good time to buy.  We'll probably end up with the smallest house in the (good) neighborhood since our "save for 3+ years" plan now became the "save for 6 months and had a baby" plan. but I'm totally fine with that.  Honestly, I grew up in a decent sized house for NYC and was made to do household chores from a very early age and it totally sucked (I missed out on birthday parties and had friends wait for me in the living room because I couldn't finish cleaning in time).  To this day, I still hate cleaning and swore to myself I would only buy a big house if I could afford a maid as well.  The thought of cleaning our current 2 BR apt makes my head hurt.  Anyway, the areas we're looking at have all the qualities that Yach mentioned: safety, great schools, close to a major highway, public transportation and shopping.

We're very excited!  We spend all our free time looking at places online (there aren't that many though) and discussing which one would be best and why.  We're going to try to talk to our leasing office to extend our lease maybe 1 or 2 months so we're not as rushed, but I doubt they'll let us.

Oh...and when you put down your offer...how much lower should you generally go without turning off the seller?  I know it depends on the condition of the house, but we don't want to offer higher than we have to.

(I guess that means the super cute BR dress I've been eyeing will not be purchased )

I don't know if it was all the running around we did this week, but BB slept like crap last night.  We put him down at his normal time, but he kept waking up at random times in the night before finally falling asleep at 5 AM only to wake up at 8 AM.  I went to bed earlier last night too in order to get some good rest before going back to work on Monday (sniff sniff).  I ended up not sleeping at all.  Sigh.

No more traveling for a while.  And next year,  I think everyone should come down to Philly so we don't have to go through all that driving again.

*see protected*

Our nanny situation fell through (again).  Now we're REALLY scrambling since I'll be back at work on Monday.  Luckily, it seems as though an ad on craigslist is sufficient to bring in several competent candidates each time we post.  We already have two interviews lined up for the day after Christmas.  Sigh.  We can't figure out if it's us or them.  They seem to be interested, but take other offers.  I know our weird hours may turn some people off...but come on...BB is such an easy baby compared to some. And for the times that I'll be gone, he literally sleeps during 3/4 of it.

Anyway, his 11.5 hour night was a one time wonder.  Last night he woke up at 4:30...still decent at 8.5 hours, but he spoiled us with that one night. 

I'll be in Jersey with the IL's for Christmas, so I have limited computer use....so in case I don't get a chance to say it....

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

*EDIT*  I know this is VERY mommy-ish, but please recommend a minivan or larger vehicle.  The Corolla isn't cutting it for multi-day trips home.  The corolla will be paid off in 2 years, but we may start looking for a second, bigger car sooner than that.

*see protected*

So PB and I were contemplating whether or not to buy right now.  Rates are sort of low and prices are low...we want to move into a small house and our rent would only be a little less than our mortgage.  So we though, if we're going to pay that in rent, might as well buy the house and own it.  We've only been out of school and working for less than 2 years, so we were planning to save for a few more years and buy a nice house since.  But we do have enough now to buy a little little house in the good area.  Actually, the house connected to that twin we wanted to rent is for sale and is affordable.

But it seems like the process takes months and months to complete...and we have to leave our apt by the end of March.  Do we have enough time?  Luckily, there aren't too many houses in our price range in the areas that we want, so we won't have to look at too many places.  But how long does the whole process take assuming that we find one we like right away?  (I have no idea how this whole house buying thing works).

Since we're first time buyers, can we get a FHA loan or is that just for a certain income level?  And would it be a better option in the long run than getting a private loan and putting more down up front.  I think we put down 20% we would come close to wiping out our savings.  And there are other costs on top of that...like closing costs and stuff (which runs about how much?)

And since BB is not yet of school age...do we really have to buy in a good school district now (taxes in that area are $$$)?  Or should we buy in the hipper, fun area (with a not so great school system) and move again...possibly to another state closer to home (since we don't even know if we'll stay in Philly or not)?

PB and I are notorious for not being able to make decisions hahaha.  Our whole wedding planning was like "what do you think we should do?"  "I don't know...what do you think?"  "I don't know...hahaha".  So we're going through that again.  Sigh.  It's so hard to be an adult.

And look who's starting to get good at tummy time  (but only for a minute before freaking out)...

haha...look at his hair.  We don't know why he has no hair in that strip.  PB can't stand it...he talks every day about wanting to shave his head.
 

Once again with the drool

Look at the drool stains on our bedsheet...we just changed them yesterday night too. 

11.5 hours last night  (8PM until 7:30 AM).  I think it's a fluke though...he's catching up from the weekend.   I slept 6 hours for the first time since i was like 6 or 7 months preggo.  I had to go to bed late because I stay up to pump my extra session...and had to wake up before him to pump again.  It was actually the super painful boobs that woke me up at 7 AM.  I looked around and was like OW  and then why is it bright in here?  So then I go to pump...and of course, not long after, BB wakes up.   So I don't think I had enough left for him to eat.

I feel like I slept for an entire day!  I felt like crap for the past few weeks because of his 3 AM feed and was wondering how I would function at work next week (sigh...last week of maternity leave for me).  If he can somehow keep this up for the rest of the week, I think I'll feel okay next week.   But since we'll be traveling to jersey for Christmas with the IL's and PB's extended family, I think it might screw things up.  sigh.

And by home, I mean Philly.  It is sooo exhausting to go back the NYC now.  Our car is always packed...it literally looked like we were living out of our car.  We have to pull into the far corners of the rest stop parking lots so I could nurse.  And BB is ALWAYS Mr. Cranky Pants when he's away from home.  Sorry to everyone who wanted to see the happy, smiling BB!  He hasn't yet learned how to handle the church lunch time maul session.  PB and I were so frantic over trying to get him to sleep that we didn't get a chance to really chat with you guys  

But he must have been pretty tired because both nights he was in Queens, he slept from 8 PM until 6 AM straight without waking up to eat!!!

We celebrated Christmas early with my family over the weekend.  My favorite [dripping in sarcasm] gift was my Low Calorie Cookbook from my mom, which is her not so subtle hint that she thinks I'm not thin enough yet (along with her not so subtle comments about my c-section pouch and exercising).  Whatever.  At least she got BB some cool books...the furry, textured ones that he asked for!  He also got some awesome toys from Auntie Chrissy and bigger sized clothes from several people.  He thanks everyone and promises that the next time he visits, he will be on his best behavior and will let everyone hold him.

Hopefully I'll post some pics from the weekend....once I remind my mom how to email pictures to me!
*EDIT* I just remembered that we do have some pics taken on our camera...but my mom has most of them on hers.

Christmas at the W.'s

MB & PB with a basket of ornaments for our first Christmas (although we were too lazy to put up our tree)
 

Some of BB's stash

A-Ma with the awesome Tyler calendar we made her

Auntie Chrissy loves hers too

My dad loved the personalized fishing "buckle" we gave him.  The lid turns it into a seat cover.  He couldn't stop talking about all the things he could do with it...like bring stuff to work in it .  He also wanted us to make one for our Uncle Tom in Taiwan hahahaha.

How the L.'s decorated for Christmas (we would have put up a tree, but BB's Pack-n-play is where the tree usually goes)

Not Christmas related, but BB always sleeps with his hands over his eyes now until he's totally out, then they fall to the sides. 

He looks sooo peaceful when he's sleeping.  We love watching him sleep.

Yesterday, I found out about the 45 minute intruder, which is a theory from one of the big baby books (not sure which one).   I guess a baby's sleep cycle is about 45 minutes long, so they wake up/stir 45 minutes after they fall asleep.  And it's SOOO true with BB.  It doesn't matter if it's a nap or his bedtime, he always wakes up 45 minutes after he falls asleep.  If it's his bedtime, usually we just give him the paci and pat his chest until he falls back asleep.  But if it's naptime, sometimes we can get him back to sleep and sometimes we can't...and if we can't, then he won't sleep until after the next feed and he will be Mr. Cranky Pants the entire time until then.

I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with the 45 minute intruder since I didn't read the book...but maybe I should look into it.

Some more random pics!

BB gazing at his own handsome face in the mirror.  He's so vain...he'll stare at himself and smile for the longest time.  But if you put your own face in there he stops smiling.  Hmph....who do you think gave you your handsome face?!

I bought him this fleece bunting because it looked so warm (double layered fleece)...I got white because I thought it was unisex and I could use it for the next kid.  Looking back, it looks kind of girly HAHAHA.  Actually, when we brought him out, people started calling him a "her"...tee hee. Oops.  You can see how thrilled he is to wear it.

Mama and BB reading time
 

BB trying to sit up

Ready.......

Almost there...

I'm trying, mama!

And of course no BB feat is complete without some drool

BB has started to try to sit up on his own.  Usually, I plop him in between my legs in front of me and lean him back on my belly to read to him.  Yesterday, we noticed that he kept trying to lift his head and shoulders forward off of my belly.  We frequently play this game with him where we bend our knees and prop him up on our thighs so he's facing us.  Then we let him grab our thumbs and we slowly pull him forward from a leaning back position to help build his neck muscles (since tummy time is a still a no go for him).  He usually signals to us that he's ready for the next rep by pulling his hands to his chest and tipping his head forward.  (And if you ignore his signal, he'll straighten his arms and pull them back in again and give you this look).

So yesterday,  he would sit in front of me and with a big series of grunts, he'd crunch forward all the while having his hands pulled to his chest.  No one was holding his hands....but he must equate that hand position with sitting up hahahaha.  Of course, he can only manage to get his upper back off my stomach...so I helped him to the halfway point (and he is still grunting through all of this) and we'd help him balance himself sitting up.  When he's had enough, he'd let out a great, big grunt (the kind you let out when you've done one too many sit ups) and fall back on my belly, panting.  Then when he's ready, he'd grunt, crunch forward and pull his hands to his chest again hahahaha.  It was so cute.

Then today, PB let him slump all the way forward ...and BB managed to push himself up to the sitting up position using only his core muscles (his arms are useless since he refuses to do tummy time)...without us even helping him up.  We just supported him from the side to prevent him from falling over.  We couldn't believe how strong he was!!!

He also loves to keep his right arm extended and up by his face.  It looks like he's forever saluting you.  He does it through an entire diaper change, before and after he falls asleep.  It's literally up there all the time.

He's getting so good with his hands too.  He has learned how to pull mama's hair in frustration during burping sessions.  Pinching is also part of his repertoire too.  And most annoying is the removing the pacifier from his mouth.  He hasn't yet learned how to put it back in.  So he'll take it out...and then cry because it's not in there anymore.  Sometimes he'll actually throw it.  I'll find it several feet away...and once I found it on the floor outside of the crib.  Sigh.  It makes bedtime much harder now.

And for some reason, he attacks his own face/head when he's tired.  It starts out as an innocent eye rub.  And the next thing you know, he's rubbing his cheeks and the entire surface of his head like a madman.  It looks like he's furiously shampooing his head.  I thought at first maybe his head was itchy or something (he has cradle cap) so I tried to rub his head for him.  And then he got really pissed because he wasn't able to reach his head and rub it.  Silly boy.